he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
