I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
