New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
