hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
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