I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
