drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
