Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
