After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
