Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
