just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
