Please don't use social media to get back at me.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
