Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
