We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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