remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
