I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
