That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
