East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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