Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
