According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
did i walk over a car last night?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
In other news, I just burned my penis
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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