I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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