oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
