I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
