can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
