remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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