sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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