I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
