we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Randomize
