I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
