I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Never joke about your clitoris.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
