Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
