4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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