Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
