So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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