Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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