Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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