obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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