I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We left the knife in your bed.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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