Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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