I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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