Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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