She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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