note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
