just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
