Tell her she can't have a vagina
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
