I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
