The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
