Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
