ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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