Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
