respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
