i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
