I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
