so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
