the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
