i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
