i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
