I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
