When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
