if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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