oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
