So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
